The following blog was written by Dennis Reeves, whose wife, E, went missing in 2022.
We had met in our forties, both being divorced, and had been together for twenty-one years. At the age of sixty-seven, ‘E’ suddenly developed severe depression after the death of a family member. E had gone from being a happy, boho, hippy chic kind of girl to an almost empty shell.Â
She was in good spirits in the morning and when I rang from work at lunchtime, she also seemed okay. She was upbeat about a holiday coming up and going back to work as a model for an art group. Â
I left work at 5pm, ringing home to let her know I was on my way as usual. There was no answer from the house phone or mobile. I arrived home about 5:25pm noticing E’s car was missing. I quickly looked around the house and knew things were not right. The odd thing was the cups were on the side ready for tea, the plates were ready on the table for dinner as if she intended to come home.Â
I rang Dyfed-Powys Police telling them about her mental health issues. They took it very seriously and were with me within 8 minutes. I knew where E would have gone which the police followed up immediately. Within 5 minutes of the police arriving a call came through that they had found the car where I had said it would be. The police had a quick look around then and said they were going to join the search. I was allowed to follow them but had to stay in my car. More police officers and coastguard units arrived, along with two lifeboats and a coastguard helicopter.Â
The search stood down at about 1am. Â
I went home thinking on how to break it to the children (all grown). My son, a local ambulance technician, was on nights and he already knew, as the ambulance service had already been given a heads up.Â
On the Wednesday morning, I managed to tell the sad news to the children. The Criminal Investigation Unit (CID) came to the house and took a full statement. They were concerned about how I knew where E had gone and the fact that I thought it was already too late. They took E’s phone and bank card, and her toothbrush.Â
A police search team searched the house top to bottom. This was pretty awful, but I knew it was procedure. The search also continued the Wednesday in daylight.Â
On the Thursday, I went alone to the place E was last seen. By pure coincidence, E’s nephew arrived at the same time. I said out loud ‘Please E, help us here’. At that moment, we both spotted something in the sea. We only had a small set of binoculars and couldn’t quite see what it was. I decided to take no chances and called the coastguard and the police. Within a few minutes a Coastguard officer arrived. He immediately called the Lifeboat who subsequently recovered the object. It was E’s coat exactly as I had described to CID. I was not allowed to see the coat for evidential purposes.Â
A few days later, CID came for one final ‘formal chat’. They said they had done house to house, checked with my work and that they had no concerns that it was a suspicious disappearance. I am ex-law enforcement, so I knew there were many procedures they had to follow.Â
Then things seemed to go into limbo. I spoke with E’s bank, which froze her accounts. I cancelled various appointments E had. I had an informal chat with the Detective Sergeant who was covering the case. He put me in touch with Missing People and explained that without a body, E was legally missing, not deceased. He explained that he would keep me informed of any findings. He kept his word and a few weeks later we spoke again. They had reviewed all the evidence from witnesses, CCTV etc, and concluded that there were no suspicious circumstances and that E had fallen into the sea and was deceased, however it was for H M Coroner to decide the cause of death. He also said they could not formally pass the case to the coroner for 12 months from the time of disappearance, as there was no body. If E’s remains were found, then this would change things.Â
I knew there was practically no chance of finding her. I talked to her out loud, shouted at her for going, shed oceans of tears and screamed how much I loved and missed her. I’d see climbers on the cliffs and ask them to keep an eye out for any clothing. A local pub where climbers would meet also asked them to keep an eye out.Â
The support I had from Missing People was wonderful. I believe without the support of the charity and a few good friends, I would not have got through this.
There was some media coverage about E going missing. However, I noticed that they didn’t always get the facts right. I feel other families need to be aware of this. Missing People aim to work with the media so that reporting is accurate and sensitive, so it’s always worth feeding any experiences back to the charity.
Time passed as I had to get used to the new normal. I slowly sorted E’s clothes, and, in the August, I finally got the Salvation Army bereavement service to take it all away. The kids had taken a few bits for memories.Â
In December 2023, I was formally informed that the case had been passed to H M Coroner. Within a few weeks the case was set for March 2024.Â
The coroner went through all the evidence the police had presented and E’s mental health issues. The Officer of the Court was also involved in reading statements from CID. Both did it in a way that was thoughtful and compassionate.Â
The coroner concluded that the only verdict he could give was an Open Verdict. In his professional opinion, there was not enough evidence to support a Verdict of Accidental death or Suicide. There was no evidence to support any other verdict. The really sad bit was that I was no longer married to the woman I love. It’s fairly coldly worded that on the issue of the death certificate, your marriage is dissolved. I found that hard to accept.Â
In these cases, the coroner deals with registering the death, and 2 weeks later I received the Death Certificate.Â
I could then deal with all the legal things required after a death. The DWP & DVLA were really kind and helpful. NHS pensions made an error but soon sorted things. I did have a chat with my solicitor during the whole proceedings. As we had mirror wills, there were no probate issues.Â
E’s death left a massive hole in my heart. It was a bit difficult not having a funeral. Somehow, a memorial didn’t seem appropriate. I did have a memorial stone put by her nan’s grave. They were very close when E was growing up and E always spoke of her with fond affection. Her parents and sister were cremated, so there was nowhere else to put a memorial.Â
E never wanted a funeral. She loved the sea, and we had years of fun on our boat. I get comfort in the fact that E got her own way again.Â
I have met a lovely lady who is a widow. We still wear our wedding rings, have lots of photos of our departed loved ones and talk of the happy times. It’s a very level playing field and we have grown fond of each other. We both agree that if we could wave a magic wand and get our departed spouses back, we would but it’s wishful thinking.Â
I have now moved house. I sold our marital home to my son and his wife. E and my son were very close. I had no need for it and now have a sweet little Pembrokeshire cottage. My son has a little one and it’s an ideal family house. I know E would approve. Â
Ongoing support is available specifically for families and friends who are worrying about a missing person or someone who has been found.
Get emotional support by emailing our Family Support Team, requesting a text back, or contacting them through a call or text on 116 000.