Whilst Father’s Day is a day of love, treats, bonding and a celebration of the father figures in one’s life, there are fathers who have lost a piece of their heart through a missing child; what was once a day associated with joy and fond memories is now a time of dread.
To mark Father’s Day this year, we share a series of stories from both children suffering from ambiguous loss of their dads, and fathers of a missing child.
Today, we share the story of Peter Boxell, whose son, Lee Boxell went missing from Sutton, Surrey, on 10th September 1988.
In 1973, our dear son Lee was born. I gladly shouldered the responsibility of fatherhood, giving him my love, providing for his needs, guiding him, and keeping him safe.
On Father’s Day, Lee would show his love and appreciation by giving me a card with a message to wish me a Happy Father’s Day. But on 10th September 1988, Lee went out and did not return. Lee was missing. Now, Father’s Day reminds me of my son Lee, of the cards he would give to me, and how I could not keep him safe on the day that he went missing.
I have lived in limbo for almost 38 years, not knowing what happened to my son on that fateful day, not knowing if he is alive, safe and well, or if he has been murdered and where his remains are. It is unremitting, unrelenting pain that I have lived with, day in, day out, ever since that terrible day in 1988.
The Missing People charity has supported me since it was founded in 1993.
Knowing that we have Missing People’s team to help with appeals, and provide emotional support and advice is incredible. When we have been at our lowest, we know the team will be there to catch us. The wonderful, caring and resourceful team assisted us with poster campaigns, and helped us take part in many media interviews. The charity helped the story of Lee’s disappearance to appear in numerous media reports, magazine stories, radio broadcasts, and TV appeals.
The charity formed the Missing People Choir in 2014 to help families with missing loved ones, because singing is cathartic, providing psychological relief through the open expression of emotions of loss, frustration, grief and sadness. I joined the choir and was privileged to sing with the choir in Britain’s Got Talent in 2017 and at many other events.
In 2014, the Police had completed the excavation of a graveyard, searching for Lee’s remains, and a Police officer visited my wife and I to inform us of the results. She broke into tears. At first, I thought that she was upset because she was unable to tell us what had happened to Lee, but she was crying because she had just been told that her brother had gone missing! His body was found six months later in a remote mountainy part of Russia. Sadly, anyone can have a missing a loved one.
It is important to support the Missing People charity so that it can continue to be there for families facing the uncertainty, heartbreak and hope that come with having a missing loved one.
Missing People is not only there when someone goes missing but can also provide support before a crisis reaches that point.
For children and young people who may be struggling with challenges at home or difficulties in their relationship with a parent or caregiver, services such as SafeCall offer free, confidential support and a safe space to talk. By helping people access the right support at the right time, Missing People can help them make informed decisions, stay safe and, in some cases, prevent a disappearance from happening in the first place.
Donations enable these vital services to continue changing lives: Families First
Ongoing support is available specifically for families and friends who are worrying about a missing person or someone who has been found.
Get emotional support by emailing our Family Support Team, requesting a text back, or contacting them through a call or text on 116 000.
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